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Stupid Corporate Sayings

Rob Wedge

Rob Wedge

Jersey
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I just got out of a long boring meeting at work and had to laugh at all the stupid Corp lingo being used. Lets hear some things said at your work. I'll start it off.

We don’t have to boil the ocean - You’re trying to do too much with the resources you have available
Closing the loop - Last piece of information that they needed in order to completely understand something
 
Run it up the flagpole (present an idea and see if anyone likes it or its acceptable). I absolutely despise it and my boss uses it ALL the time.
 
Trying to "touch base" with someone..........hate that saying.
 
What type truck are we gonna use this year, to get that woodshed down to Orlando for the May outing :banghead:
 
We need to architect a solution - Hate this one!
 
My personal pet peeve is people who never use the word "problem". For them, it's never a "problem", it's always a "challenge".

Sometimes it's not just a "challenge", it's a $#%!@ problem and needs to be treated that way.

Ken
 
"Leveraging Synergies" - management speak for getting someone outside of their reporting chain to do their team's work

BOHICA - acronym for "Bend Over Here It Comes Again" - nickname for the clause in contracts that states "... and all other duties as assigned by your supervisor"
 
"Exploit our synergies under a new paradigm".

I actually heard that during a meeting. Still don't know what he actually meant.
 
"Reorganizing". Just say downsizing. Don't insult our intelligence.
 
My boss always goes with "Think outside the box"... problem is, when he tries to do that, he should have left it in the box!

"Let's not try to re-invent the wheel" Why not?!
"Put it to bed" Is it sleepy?
"Give them the tools they need" Are they going to drywall my house?
 
jmatt said:
"Exploit our synergies under a new paradigm".

I actually heard that during a meeting. Still don't know what he actually meant.
Click to expand...

Neither does he...!
 
kenh said:
My personal pet peeve is people who never use the word "problem". For them, it's never a "problem", it's always a "challenge".

Sometimes it's not just a "challenge", it's a $#%!@ problem and needs to be treated that way.

Ken
Click to expand...

Or.. it's not a problem, it's an opportunity! Really - then here, you deal with this "opportunity!"
 
Let’s take it offline - Just say We'll talk later!
 
NJRob said:
I just got out of a long boring meeting at work and had to laugh at all the stupid Corp lingo being used. Lets hear some things said at your work. I'll start it off.

We don’t have to boil the ocean - You’re trying to do too much with the resources you have available
Closing the loop - Last piece of information that they needed in order to completely understand something
Click to expand...

until you close the loop, there will be enough optics on the issue that it wont get any traction
 
subvet said:
until you close the loop, there will be enough optics on the issue that it wont get any traction
Click to expand...

HAhaha, Oh man. I feel like I'm back in a meeting. I need a meeting after the meeting to just understand what was just said.
 
Fun thread!

I'm a recruiter and management will never use the word "job" instead it's a "career opportunity"
"performance-based pay" = full commission
Some other's that drive me nuts!! : We need to dove-tail our efforts, hit the ground running, and the word Bifurcate!!
 
Going forward, let's try not to step on our own d!$&s in front of senior management
 
We had one where it was talking about the employees had to reach the 212*. At 211, water is still water, at 212*, it boils!!!!

And something about peeling an onion. I thought it was stupid.
 
My wife works for the state in public health and works with disabled people and it absolutely drives me up a wall that they refer to the clients as "consumers" What does that even mean?
 
jank1434 said:
We had one where it was talking about the employees had to reach the 212*. At 211, water is still water, at 212*, it boils!!!!

And something about peeling an onion. I thought it was stupid.
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Sounds like Victory Energy. Are you in the boiler industry?

Let's pull together as a team and get to the bottom. I figure this basically means, find somebody to blame it on.

I also hate the word stratagize.
 
jank1434 said:
We had one where it was talking about the employees had to reach the 212*. At 211, water is still water, at 212*, it boils!!!!

And something about peeling an onion. I thought it was stupid.
Click to expand...

Unless it's under pressure. In which the saturation temperature need to cause a phase change, water into its gas state steam, would change anda be something other than 212*
 
"thought leadership"
 
DevRickus said:
My wife works for the state in public health and works with disabled people and it absolutely drives me up a wall that they refer to the clients as "consumers" What does that even mean?
Click to expand...
Consumers. WTF? If they're going to give them a stupid term at least use Clients or something like that.
 
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