@jazi95's unfortunate situation and my situation this time last year has prompted me to make this post. Apologies for the not-fun subject.
Folks, have an uncomfortable conversation with your parents and your spouse and anyone else for whom you might be expected to make decisions (except perhaps children). Learn about their wishes for their end-of-life whenever it may happen and write them down. Take the time to visit an estate attorney now and have the proper papers drawn up. They can help with wills, trusts, powers of attorney, advanced care directives, etc.
My wife was a stage IV cancer patient. She fought like hell and we were always positive and hopeful, but we knew in the back of our minds that the day would likely come when the doctor would have the conservation with us that there was nothing more that could be done and we needed to start making final plans.
However, that's not what happened. What happened was she took a turn for the worse one Sunday morning, and passed away the next Saturday morning with not much lucidity in-between. And when she was still lucid, I certainly wasn't going to spend time discussing legal documents. Fortunately we had already done the most important documents, but I wish we had done more. I thought we were going to have months to discuss this stuff, but we ended up with no time at all. I wish I knew the exact music she wanted. I wish we had discussed what floral arrangements she wanted. I wish we had discussed what she wanted written on her grave marker. I wish I knew I was doing those things exactly in accordance with her wishes, rather than doing the best I could.
Furthermore, I'd advise everyone to take out a large insurance policy on both yourself and your spouse. I know financial advisors will tell you only the primary bread winner needs a big insurance policy, but I promise there are unexpected things. Don't misunderstand me - in no way would a big insurance payment lessen the pain of losing a loved one at all. However, it does ease the life you have to deal with afterward. You and your kids can take a big trip. You can move if you want. You can pay someone else to take care of your yard for a year. It can help with your kids' college tuition. Etc, etc.
The point is, insurance can often be had for not much money. It's usually not difficult to qualify for even a large policy. However, if you decide "We'll get to it at some point," in a flash the opportunity may be gone. Once you hear the words "you have cancer," the opportunity is gone. You can no longer qualify. Nobody expects that. Nobody expects the heart attack they have, the diabetes diagnosis, or the unforeseen car crash. Once those things happen, the chance is forever lost, so do it now.
I hope this helps someone and again, apologies for the morose topic. But having been through it, I'm hopeful this will make it better for someone. The reality is we all will be in this situation eventually.
Folks, have an uncomfortable conversation with your parents and your spouse and anyone else for whom you might be expected to make decisions (except perhaps children). Learn about their wishes for their end-of-life whenever it may happen and write them down. Take the time to visit an estate attorney now and have the proper papers drawn up. They can help with wills, trusts, powers of attorney, advanced care directives, etc.
My wife was a stage IV cancer patient. She fought like hell and we were always positive and hopeful, but we knew in the back of our minds that the day would likely come when the doctor would have the conservation with us that there was nothing more that could be done and we needed to start making final plans.
However, that's not what happened. What happened was she took a turn for the worse one Sunday morning, and passed away the next Saturday morning with not much lucidity in-between. And when she was still lucid, I certainly wasn't going to spend time discussing legal documents. Fortunately we had already done the most important documents, but I wish we had done more. I thought we were going to have months to discuss this stuff, but we ended up with no time at all. I wish I knew the exact music she wanted. I wish we had discussed what floral arrangements she wanted. I wish we had discussed what she wanted written on her grave marker. I wish I knew I was doing those things exactly in accordance with her wishes, rather than doing the best I could.
Furthermore, I'd advise everyone to take out a large insurance policy on both yourself and your spouse. I know financial advisors will tell you only the primary bread winner needs a big insurance policy, but I promise there are unexpected things. Don't misunderstand me - in no way would a big insurance payment lessen the pain of losing a loved one at all. However, it does ease the life you have to deal with afterward. You and your kids can take a big trip. You can move if you want. You can pay someone else to take care of your yard for a year. It can help with your kids' college tuition. Etc, etc.
The point is, insurance can often be had for not much money. It's usually not difficult to qualify for even a large policy. However, if you decide "We'll get to it at some point," in a flash the opportunity may be gone. Once you hear the words "you have cancer," the opportunity is gone. You can no longer qualify. Nobody expects that. Nobody expects the heart attack they have, the diabetes diagnosis, or the unforeseen car crash. Once those things happen, the chance is forever lost, so do it now.
I hope this helps someone and again, apologies for the morose topic. But having been through it, I'm hopeful this will make it better for someone. The reality is we all will be in this situation eventually.
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