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Platonic Possibilities?

This is a very interesting thread. From my experience, it depends.

I have male platonic friends, but none of them are my confidants - none of them are my closest friend, the person I would turn to if my marriage soured, or if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I guess it depends on how you utilize friends - does that make sense? For me, I usually call my girlfriends when I fight with my husband or if I have something heavy weighing me down. I think when you start to talk emotionally about your other relationships (how you think you're boyfriend isn't the one) or your private intimate affairs with the opposite sex is when it gets a little more muddled and confusing. Add that in with a little attraction and some wine and I'd imagine that there might be some trouble. Perhaps some of you wouldn't ever talk about that kind of stuff (I mean ever) - but that's the kind of stuff I do talk about with my dear girl-friends. I imagine that my husband would NEVER talk about either of these topics to his female friends (and he has several close female friends). I'm curious to know for those of you with platonic relationships with the opposite sex if there are topics that you avoid? Or is your life an open book?

And I also think it depends on sexual attraction. If there is none on one side, I think it really helps to maintain a platonic relationship - even if the other person wishes dearly that it would be more.
 
pattyblind9golf said:
This is a very interesting thread. From my experience, it depends.

I have male platonic friends, but none of them are my confidants - none of them are my closest friend, the person I would turn to if my marriage soured, or if the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I guess it depends on how you utilize friends - does that make sense? For me, I usually call my girlfriends when I fight with my husband or if I have something heavy weighing me down. I think when you start to talk emotionally about your other relationships (how you think you're boyfriend isn't the one) or your private intimate affairs with the opposite sex is when it gets a little more muddled and confusing. Add that in with a little attraction and some wine and I'd imagine that there might be some trouble. Perhaps some of you wouldn't ever talk about that kind of stuff (I mean ever) - but that's the kind of stuff I do talk about with my dear girl-friends. I imagine that my husband would NEVER talk about either of these topics to his female friends (and he has several close female friends). I'm curious to know for those of you with platonic relationships with the opposite sex if there are topics that you avoid? Or is your life an open book?

And I also think it depends on sexual attraction. If there is none on one side, I think it really helps to maintain a platonic relationship - even if the other person wishes dearly that it would be more.
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I think you hit the nail on the head! "none of them are my confidants". I think that 99% of so-called platonic relationships have one side or the other thinking that something more might happen. I also think that this attraction can change from one person to the other and back again. There may be an ebb and flow of attractions. That 1% may be able to have a real platonic relationship. Are there topics that you avoid? You betcha!

That said, I have had some very good relationships with women. Some have progressed to a more serious relationship. Some just died a natural death because of moving, marriage, etc..... And a few I have maintained over the years as friends through moving, marriage, etc...
 
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pattyblind9golf said:
I'm curious to know for those of you with platonic relationships with the opposite sex if there are topics that you avoid? Or is your life an open book?
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I have female friends and the fact that I can speak freely is therapeutic. Around guys some things just aren't discussed. The only person that knows me like an open book is my wife. Certain friends know bits and pieces, but no individual has 100% access, make sense?

There is always that awkward moment between men and women that are friends. If you can get past that things are good. Last year I had one of those awkward moments with a woman I work with. We were just kinda staring at each other all stupid like and she said if we weren't both married we'd be all over each other. We laughed, agreed, and we've never gone back there. Getting it out in the open and having neither of us hurt becuase she didn't find me attractive or vice versa has been great for our friendship.

edit: Being honest with yourself is key here...just because some of us are married doesn't mean we are dead. Long as I honor my wife as she honors me she can have all the little Tim McGraw fantasies she can handle.
 
SethO said:
I have never really understood the whole thing of undressing somebody with your eyes. Sex starts with the mind and not the body. Maybe my view is weird or maybe you are not meeting the right people.


I hate TapaTalk signatures...
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Sex is a physical act based a physical appearance. Most hetro males are attracted to women because of the way they look. Not because they are smart. Dates are secured based on looks then the mind. I realize that this might be a simplistic way of looking at it but it's true. You may not think this way and that is great but most men choose a mate based on physical appearance.
 
I play golf often with our course owners daughter who is about my age (50), who is happily married (as am I) with two kids and she is a school teacher. I have known her for at least forty years and have played hundreds of rounds with her. She is I would say my closest female friend. Our relationship has always been more like brother and sister I would guess. She is very much like family and I have never thought of her any differently than I would any female relative, so my answer to your question is yes it is possible.
 
Being straight up honest.. I have those girl friends that are not that close so they are just there and there is no attraction.. but the ones that are close I really want to sleep with..
 
Tadashi70 said:
Sex is a physical act based a physical appearance. Most hetro males are attracted to women because of the way they look. Not because they are smart. Dates are secured based on looks then the mind. I realize that this might be a simplistic way of looking at it but it's true. You may not think this way and that is great but most men choose a mate based on physical appearance.
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I cracked all kinds of bimbos until I was about 23 years old, dozens. In fact, not bragging just saying, I was a regular ladies man. I was in college right in the middle of the sex revolution of the 70s and boy did I revolt. When I met my wife though (over 30 years ago) I knew her for a year or more before we ever went out on a date and ended up married to her because she was smarter than me, had more money, had a better education already and she wasn't easy so I knew I could trust her. None of which is easy to find and I knew I wouldn't be able to do any better. The only thing I ever worried about was her maybe saying no to me when I proposed but thankfully she didn't. She is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me and maybe the best decision I ever made was to marry her. I was on the road to nowhere before I met her. She did look better then at age 19, since her 50th birthday a few years ago I have been threatening to trade her in for two 25s or maybe a 20 and a 30. Hope she doesn't see this.
 
Fully agree. I think my platonic female friends are beautiful, and they are, but no sexual attraction. Their friendship means too much to me to lose over a one night stand. And, when I was single, they were excellent "wing women".
 
mastapp said:
Fully agree. I think my platonic female friends are beautiful, and they are, but no sexual attraction. Their friendship means too much to me to lose over a one night stand. And, when I was single, they were excellent "wing women".
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damn I wish I had a good one of those. It is unbelievably easy to pick up chicks with a wing woman.
 
Dent said:
damn I wish I had a good one of those. It is unbelievably easy to pick up chicks with a wing woman.
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I thought ilovecats was kind of lady like, that might work for you.
 
I think I realized this weekend, when I went to workout with my trainer, that I might have a hard time just being friends with him. I still want more (we dated a little about 3 or 4 years ago). This may be too much for me to handle. I don't want to hear him tell me about other girls. Oh, what a mess. I told him if he wants to be just friends, then he needs to keep the conversations at that level and quit telling me things that are more boyfriend-girlfriend type stuff. I'm so confused.
 
ahh2fly said:
I think I realized this weekend, when I went to workout with my trainer, that I might have a hard time just being friends with him. I still want more (we dated a little about 3 or 4 years ago). This may be too much for me to handle. I don't want to hear him tell me about other girls. Oh, what a mess. I told him if he wants to be just friends, then he needs to keep the conversations at that level and quit telling me things that are more boyfriend-girlfriend type stuff. I'm so confused.
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Is this an attraction outside of the gym or just when you guys are working out or training?
Training increases the libido hence a great attraction if this is only occurring during work outs.
Does he give you any indication that he would like more? If so I suggest you find a female trainer and start dating him again.


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Sorry I don't think it's possible.
 
Tadashi70 said:
Is this an attraction outside of the gym or just when you guys are working out or training?
Training increases the libido hence a great attraction if this is only occurring during work outs.
Does he give you any indication that he would like more? If so I suggest you find a female trainer and start dating him again.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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It started outside of the gym. We dated for a little while, but neither one of us got serious about the other.

Then about a year ago, I started to talk to him about coming in to train. I now think I just wanted to see him and felt that was a good way to do it. At the time I thought I could be just friends with him. I didn't realize I liked him as much as I do until we got to see so much of each other so often.

He only gives me indications that he thinks I'm attractive and that he's attracted to me, not that he would date me on any serious level. I think if he wanted to date me, he'd ask me out. We don't even go see movies together anymore. I thought I could be just friends with him, but now I don't think I can.
 
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